Comments on: Heartbreaking or Hopeful, A Coaching Challenge, by Kimberly Dinsdale http://www.christiancoachingcenter.org/index.php/2009/11/heartbreaking-or-hopeful-a-coaching-challenge-by-kimberly-dinsdale/ Christian Life Coaching and Coach Training Resources and Information Mon, 12 Dec 2011 19:47:58 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: annmclpc http://www.christiancoachingcenter.org/index.php/2009/11/heartbreaking-or-hopeful-a-coaching-challenge-by-kimberly-dinsdale/comment-page-1/#comment-241 annmclpc Sat, 22 Jan 2011 05:24:52 +0000 http://www.christiancoachingcenter.org/?p=2698#comment-241 Ladies, I appreciate your posting this. I would like to see more. I am a 16 year licensed counselor and want to move away from that into coaching. When I look at this my first thoughts are to ask her to talk about early messages and what she believed about herself as she moved into adulthood based on her initial intimate relationships with her caregivers. Since for myself the recognition that I was not responsible for what others thought was such an astounding realization that by learning what her own thoughts are about herself and recognizing she has a sole identity would be my thoughts here. It is so true that women, myself included, tend to give up our identity and become whomever we need to be for those who 'need' us. There is such a feeling at this time in her life of being in a void, of having nothing to stand on. Certainly she is in a place of pain and not yet ready to take responsibility for her choice to stay in the situation. My thinking which is NOT based on any coaching education is that a grief/loss group or divorce recovery group is appropiate which I believe would enhance her coaching experience. Now remember, I know next to nothing about coaching so tell me how u would proceed with this woman. ann mcelhaney, LPC Ladies, I appreciate your posting this. I would like to see more. I am a 16 year licensed counselor and want to move away from that into coaching. When I look at this my first thoughts are to ask her to talk about early messages and what she believed about herself as she moved into adulthood based on her initial intimate relationships with her caregivers. Since for myself the recognition that I was not responsible for what others thought was such an astounding realization that by learning what her own thoughts are about herself and recognizing she has a sole identity would be my thoughts here. It is so true that women, myself included, tend to give up our identity and become whomever we need to be for those who ‘need’ us. There is such a feeling at this time in her life of being in a void, of having nothing to stand on. Certainly she is in a place of pain and not yet ready to take responsibility for her choice to stay in the situation. My thinking which is NOT based on any coaching education is that a grief/loss group or divorce recovery group is appropiate which I believe would enhance her coaching experience. Now remember, I know next to nothing about coaching so tell me how u would proceed with this woman.

ann mcelhaney, LPC

]]> By: mstruble http://www.christiancoachingcenter.org/index.php/2009/11/heartbreaking-or-hopeful-a-coaching-challenge-by-kimberly-dinsdale/comment-page-1/#comment-146 mstruble Sat, 28 Nov 2009 17:04:19 +0000 http://www.christiancoachingcenter.org/?p=2698#comment-146 Great post, Kimberly. So typical of so many women, abusive marriage or not. In my Mom's and Women With Mission coaching sessions we deal with expectations right away. So many women live by the expectations of others, and base their own from them. I start by asking the women to list the expectations for being a good "women" or "mom" that others have. Then we list their expectations of themselves. We follow up by asking, "Which of these are realistic and true?" I have never seen them leave more than one or two on the list.! They usually have a huge ah-ha when they realize they don't need to expect those things any more. That opens the door to talk about values, beliefs, and what they really want from life. In this case, I would ask questions to find out exactly where she is at right now. What is the real issue? Grieving, healing, self-rediscovery, clarity of what she wants, or is it a matter of just taking a baby step to change one thing she really needs to function. I have found that often working on one small thing in the areas frustrating to them, they will gain the confidence to move forward with bigger issues. Marian Struble Connected Life Coaching www.connectedlifecoaching.com Great post, Kimberly. So typical of so many women, abusive marriage or not. In my Mom’s and Women With Mission coaching sessions we deal with expectations right away. So many women live by the expectations of others, and base their own from them. I start by asking the women to list the expectations for being a good “women” or “mom” that others have. Then we list their expectations of themselves. We follow up by asking, “Which of these are realistic and true?” I have never seen them leave more than one or two on the list.! They usually have a huge ah-ha when they realize they don’t need to expect those things any more.

That opens the door to talk about values, beliefs, and what they really want from life.

In this case, I would ask questions to find out exactly where she is at right now. What is the real issue? Grieving, healing, self-rediscovery, clarity of what she wants, or is it a matter of just taking a baby step to change one thing she really needs to function. I have found that often working on one small thing in the areas frustrating to them, they will gain the confidence to move forward with bigger issues.

Marian Struble
Connected Life Coaching
www.connectedlifecoaching.com

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