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Listening in the Third Way, Kimberly Dinsdale

Oct 26th, 2009 | By | Category: Coaching Women
blah_0041Over three months ago, I promised a follow up to my post on listening.  So before I go off to meet with several of the CCC contributors, I’m thinking I’d better make good on that.  I love the concepts of listening I am sharing with you and hope you find value in them too.  What is interesting is listening in this third way can be one the biggest challenges I face.  Not only as a coach, but also as a mom, as a wife and as a friend.  I found a couple of verses, when paraphrased in The Message, which really make a point to the critical importance of listening.Then Samuel said, Do you think all God wants are sacrifices- empty rituals just for show? He wants you to listen to him!  Plain listening is the thing, not staging a lavish religious production.  1 Samuel 15:22, The Message

“Are you listening to this?  Really listening?” Luke 8:4, The Message

Three ways of listening:

1.) Agree with listening. This listener is operating from “I already know and I am right.” How lucky for you we agree, I don’t even need to really listen, let’s move on. Recall a time when someone listened to you in this way, nodding his or her head in agreement, do you feel you were listened to?

2.) Disagree with listening. Again, this listener is operating from “I already know and I am right.” Shaking their head no, arms crossed, formulating rebuttal in disagreement, telling why they disagree and why they are right. Would you feel listened to in this situation?

Usually people who listen in these first two ways, aren’t even aware of the way they are listening to people.

Now look at this third way to listen:

3.) Be with listening.  This means exactly what it sounds like.  Be.  Here.  Now.  In the moment.  Be here physically, emotionally, mentally.  Truly be with the person you are listening to.  How would you like to be listened to in that way?

We can be better listeners when we really want to; it is a matter of our attitude and commitment.  Ears to us listening in the third way.

Sweet blessings,


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